youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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