K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
how drunk are you?
Several
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
