I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We left an ass print on the piano.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Randomize
