I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
