she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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