No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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