Will you blow on my dice?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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