I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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