Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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