So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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