just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
