hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
