If i come over, it means nothing
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
