Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
