at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
