I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
