I think my fart just growled at me.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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