In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
