It's like God shit irony all over that family
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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