As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
