god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
