He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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