Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
