Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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