nut hugger
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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