i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
