I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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