Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
