I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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