Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
