he wants to bone in the snuggie
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize