The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
