Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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