Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
