I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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