1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
