so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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