Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
