Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
