i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
did i walk over a car last night?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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