Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
