Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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