She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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