So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
