the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
