My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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