I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
