i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i think i just lost a toe
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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