You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
