i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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