I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
