you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
