i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
this boner is exhausting
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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