who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
