remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
