I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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