I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
