the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
