OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
