Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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