he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
