1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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