the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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