what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
