I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
