drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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